She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
