having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
