I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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