It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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