u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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