The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
