I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
