Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
