$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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