Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
