So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
