I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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