It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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