she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
