I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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