i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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