So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
