someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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