So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
