K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At least make sure they are 18
Why
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
