This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
