So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
