Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
