And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
