I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
