I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
