i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
