Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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