3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
