she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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