My underwear smells like fireworks.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
