I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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