remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So many bounce houses so little time
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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