They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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