Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
