i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
