thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
