you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
