I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need water and some morals
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
