hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
