But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND