Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.