Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?