my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.