I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dating After Heartbreak
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.