why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.