Where is the hickey?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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