I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
