Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
