A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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