My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
