He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize