btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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