2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.