I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What a dumb baby whore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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