i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?