There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
