Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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