so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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