dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
