Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
