so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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