I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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