I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize