If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
