dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
