We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize