i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
