why didn't you poke me back
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
