Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
