Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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