Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
