this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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