New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
