How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
